


Well, This Is Awkward

by brooksey



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkwardness, Bad Flirting, F/M, Flirting, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 11:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2347211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooksey/pseuds/brooksey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How is Garrus supposed to know what to say to flirt with Shepard?  After a little advice, he decides to try compliments.  It does not go well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well, This Is Awkward

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the ME Kink Meme. 
> 
> Original Prompt:  
> "So my headcanon is Garrus kind of always liked femShep in ME1 but he never thought he'd really stand a chance with her. Maybe she wasn't particularly nice to him at first because she hated turians, or he feels like he'd never be able to compete with Kaidan/Liara, or Shepard is just goddamn oblivious
> 
> Buuuuut that doesn't stop him awkwardly trying to flirt with Shepard from time to time. Even though he has NO idea what he's doing.
> 
> And Shepard basically has no idea why the hell he's acting so weird all of a sudden, maybe even suggesting he go see Chakwas because she thinks he's sick lol"
> 
> (AN: I know that an Ashley/Garrus friendship isn't exactly canon, but I kinda love the idea, so I went with it.)

I. 

"Come on, Ash."

"No."

"Please?"

The wheedling tone in Garrus's voice amuses her. "Do I look like Cyrano de Bergerac?"

"Who?"

She rolls her eyes a little. "Old Earth thing, never mind. I'm not going to tell you what to say to flirt with Shepard. Can't you just look on on the extranet?"

He has, in fact, already looked on the extranet. It all just confused him, so he decided to try getting Ashley's help instead. "I don't trust the extranet, I trust you. Who else am I going to ask, Alenko?"

She chuckles at that. "Good point. But I'm still not going to feed you lines, you've got to be yourself. Just... I don't know, Garrus, women like compliments. Try complimenting her."

And so he does.

 

II.

They've just come back from a hunt for minerals in a particularly craggy landscape. He's thought about what he might say to compliment her like Ash suggested, but he hasn't spoken privately with Shepard in a while, so he's quite pleased when she drops by for a chat. 

"So, Shepard."

"So... Garrus," she replies gamely.

"That was some great driving you did out there today. You're, ah. Really great. At driving."

She adjusts her stance and folds her arms. They both know she's actually terrible at driving the Mako. 

"You know, just..." He pushes his hand straight out and then arcs it down in an imitation of the Mako driving off a cliff and plummeting to the ground. "That was something," he finishes lamely.

"Right," she deadpans.

"Yeah, you know. It was— ah, good. So. Yeah." His mandibles twitch in the silence. "So, um, anyway. There was this mod I was looking into for my rifle..."

As the conversation picks back up, he glances over Shepard's shoulder and sees Ashley across the way next to the lockers, looking in his direction and shaking her head with a smile.

 

III.

Normally when he has time to talk with Shepard, it's right after they've been in the field, and they're both a mess: scorched, bloodied, and exhausted. He hasn't been able to think of a way to work a compliment into that; even he knows that _the color of turian blood goes really well with your armor_ is not going to work. 

So when he sees her passing by, and they're both well-rested and relaxed after a couple days of shore leave, he wants to try again.

"Hey, you look better today," he calls out to Shepard, and she turns to approach him.

Confusion fills her voice. "Better?"

"Yeah, better than usual."

Her head tilts to the side and her eyes narrow slightly for a second. He's terrible at interpreting human facial expressions, but something in him thinks this probably isn't a very good one.

"Well, um, your hair," he rushes to explain, "it looks very... straight... today. And, um— most of the hairs aren't out of place." 

"Thanks, I think," she says carefully.

"Plus it's extra clean?" he tries.

She clears her throat and scratches her head. "Sure, why not. Was there anything else, Garrus?" 

 

IV.

The strength of the Thorian creepers they've had to deal with is overwhelming, and that's without even taking into account the disgusting mess they make of your armor when they explode all over you. And there had been so many — floor after floor, up and up the tower, never ending. There were times he thought they were just plain outnumbered. 

Shepard hadn't hesitated, though, and under her direction, the squad had performed so well they'd barely needed to use any of their store of medi-gel. She never fails to impress him with her instincts, the way she just goes after her objective, and he tells her so.

"You're a really good leader in the field, Shepard."

She looks back at him with a smile, and he's thrilled. Smiles are good; he's learned that much so far, although not much else. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," he nods, proud that he's finally said something right. "Just look at the last mission. You were like a raging cow out there."

Blinking, she takes a half step backwards. "I'm like a what?" 

"You know, ahhh— a cow. Strong. You charge out there and— um— right. You know what I mean."

She rubs her forehead briefly and nods. "Sure, Garrus, I know. Or I'll figure it out eventually. Look... I should go."

 

V.

"How was I supposed to know the word was— what was it?" Garrus complains, kicking the table Ashley is sitting on in the cargo bay.

" _Bull_ , raging _bull_ ," she emphasizes. "You knew enough to get to _cow_."

Garrus clenches his mandibles in frustration. "I thought they were all called cows. It doesn't matter anyway, Shepard has to think— I don't want to know what she thinks by now."

Ashley sighs, but doesn't argue.

"What _are_ you supposed to compliment about a human, then? Enlighten me," he grouses.

She pauses, and he drums his talons on the table impatiently. "I'm trying to think what is the least likely to get you in the weeds, that's all," she explains after a moment. "Try the eyes, 'nice eyes' is pretty popular with human men."

"Fine," he spits, "eyes. Right."

Ashley kicks him in the leg and gestures behind him with her chin. "Look, here she comes. Go for it, Romeo."

"Romeo?"

"Never mind, just _go_." Ashley shoves him forward with her foot hard enough that he bumps into Shepard and she stumbles backwards. With his quick reflexes, he's able to grasp her upper arms and pull her upright again before she can fall. When she's steady, he realizes that she's both uncomfortably and tantalizingly close.

"Thanks, Garrus." His hands haven't let go of her arms yet, and she hasn't moved.

He swallows hard. "Um— no problem." Flustered, he drops his hands and takes a wide step back. He hears Ashley make a soft clicking noise with her tongue behind him. "So," he starts, drawing out the vowel, "I noticed something about you the other day that was... nice."

"Oh?" Shepard asks.

"Yeah... I did. Your eyes, I noticed your eyes. They're so much bigger than most humans' eyes. Huge, in fact. And, oh— your eye fringe. It's very thick."

Shepard leans to the side a fraction of an inch, and he's sure she's catching Ashley's eye, because she's also smiling a little crookedly. "Eye fringe?"

"Yeah, you know..." he trails off, gesturing to his own eyes helplessly. "Eye fringe?"

"No, of course I know, Garrus. Eye fringe, right," she nods smartly. "Listen, I was just coming to talk to Ash, if you wouldn't mind...?"

"Sure, Shepard," he mutters, defeated. He slinks off to his usual haunt in the bay, but not before he sees Ashley hunched over with one hand pressed to her forehead.

 

VI.

Whenever he sees Shepard and Alenko together, he pays attention. Alenko practically lives in the Commander's back pocket, and she doesn't seem to mind, so the man must be doing something right. She smiles a lot when she's around him, too. Another indicator that there might be something to learn there.

What he notices about the Lieutenant is that his smile seems to be what makes her happy, because her smiles are usually in response to his. So Garrus analyzes what it is about a smile that she might like. From what he can tell on Alenko, it's mostly about his eyes crinkling up in the corners, and lots of teeth.

Garrus's eyes don't crinkle; his plates make that impossible. And his teeth aren't like Alenko's — they're a little less with the white and square and a little more with the sharp and pointy. Still, it works for the Lieutenant, so Garrus spends more time than he'd care to admit in front of a mirror, working on his best approximation of a human smile.

One day, when he's talking with Shepard, he says something that makes her laugh. He hadn't intended it to be funny, but he'll take what he can get. Pleased, his first reaction is to flutter his mandibles when he remembers — smile. Quickly arranging his face the way he'd practiced it, he waits for her to look back at him.

When she does, her eyes go wide and she recoils a tiny bit. "Whoa, Garrus. What just happened?"

"What do you mean?" It's a little hard to talk through his bared teeth. It hadn't occurred to him to practice that part.

"Is this some kind of... turian dominance thing?" she asks warily.

"What?" he yelps, surprised. "No, of course not, I didn't, ah— look, Shepard, I didn't mean—"

But it's too late, she's already backed away a little more, and her smile is gone. They're able to continue talking, at least, but she keeps her distance, and leaves quickly. 

He's so defeated at this point that he's just about ready to give up. But he's a turian — a bad turian, true, but a turian nonetheless — and he can't bring himself to throw in the towel without giving it one more try. But nothing he tries works, and he isn't sure what to do; he needs more help. There's nothing else for it — he's going to have to bite the bullet.

 

VII.

In the end, he talks to both Joker _and_ Alenko, trying to be as circumspect as possible with the Lieutenant. The man is still mooning over Shepard himself, and Garrus doubts the conversation would go very well if his real purpose were found out. He just pretends that he's trying to flirt with Ashley, and both of them are willing to give him actual ideas. Real examples, too.

He's never been so nervous in his life as he is the next time he talks to Shepard. Some part of his mind thinks idly that at least after this, it'll be over, one way or another. He watches her make her rounds; looks like she's coming to him last today. She finally walks up to him, smiling after her conversation with Ashley, who's watching them closely.

They chat for a bit, and it's more pleasant than it has been in a while. She's about to leave, turned away already, when he stops her.

"Listen, Shepard. I wanted to tell you... I really admire you."

She turns back to him fully, positively beaming. "Wow, Garrus. That's a really nice thing to say."

Ashley gives him a double thumbs-up over Shepard's shoulder. Barely able to keep his happiness contained, he nods. "Well, it's true. Knowing you has meant a lot to me." He reaches out and touches her arm in the same spot he'd caught her to break her fall.

Her hand comes up, too, and he holds his breath. She touches his arm — and gives it a couple of firm slaps. 

"Thanks, big guy. You're a really great friend, too." She turns on her heel and walks off, leaving him speechless.

Well. This is awkward.


End file.
